Tom Cruise’s Relationships

• Mimi Rogers 1987-1990 – Marriage
• Nicole Kidman   1990-2001 - Marriage
• Penelope Cruz – 2001-2004 – Dated
• Katie Homes 2005 – 2012 - Marriage

So who will be the next girlfriend of the famous Scientologist?  Here are the odds (with analysis below):

Charlize Theron (+800)

Cameron Diaz (+1000)

Kristen Stewart (+1000)

Scarlett Johansson (+1200)

Resse Witherspoon (+1400)

Freida Pinto (+1400)

Emma Stone (+1400)

Any Kardashian (+2000)

Kristen Wiig (+2000)

Renee Zellweger (+2000)

Nicole Kidman (+2500)

Elizabeth Moss (+3300)

Mary J. Blige (+6600)

Kelly McGillis (+10000)

Let’s do some quick analysis on the ladies. And the lines.

First of all, it was clever to include Kelly McGillis given the whole Top Gun romance. But if you haven’t seen her lately, well, let’s just say she looks like she’s the wife of a Founding Father. Cruise isn’t going to marry her. Really. There’s no chance.

Nicole Kidman isn’t taking him back because she’s already been weirded out by the Scientology stuff and she’s married to country star Keith Urban.

He also won’t marry a Kardashian. Or, to put it more accurately, a Kardashian isn’t going to marry him. There isn’t a lot of similarities between Tom Cruise and Reggie Bush. Or Tom Cruise and Lamar Odom. So let’s strike the Kardashians from our list.

Kristen Wiig is far too smart and cool to get tied up with Cruise so let’s cross her off the list. And Mary J. Blige, while a hysterical option, is far too hysterical to ever happen. So that leave us with . . . wait . . . wtf are we doing here? Are we shopping for value in lines on who Tom Cruise is going to marry next? Sorry, our apologies. This is as strange as Cruise himself.